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I've grown attached to my clients. It feels like they're mine. I don't want to leave them behind! And those new clients can become violent, especially towards young, small girls. Just the fact of having to start all over again, to fight for a spot in the team and to get to know the clients. I don't know if I want that.
And on top of all, it feels like letting those bitches win by leaving.
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Sailor Moon - Carry On
But there are also fun things!
Like, yesterday, I went out to lunch with Mister W. He's so adorable, loves to cuddle and he manages to charm everyone into loving him. And I'm his "first responsible nurse" = I buy clothes, personal items and I get to go out with him. It was so much fun! He was so excited, just like a puppy! W. held my hand in the cab, so cute.
And then we were there and he chatted up everybody. It was so much fun just to watch people smile at him. He was intensely enjoying every minute, I could tell!
When we were back, he grabbed hold of me, pushed the side of his face into my cleavage and uttered a very enthusiastic: "I love you!" You may squee and flail now.
Mentally disabled people are so simple and easy to love. Look how easy it was to give W. a great day away from home. I just went out to lunch with him and gave him loads of attention. I wish I was that easy to please....
- Mood:
loved - Music:Megadeth - High Speed Dirt
It's been about three weeks that I took the job of making the workschedule. This basically means that I plan whenever everybody works and make sure they don't have too much over-time. It's an ungrateful job, I knew that by forehand; you can never do it right. I knew it would be even worse in my team; everyone has a long list of demands.
Fridays off, monday early shifts, tuesdays late etc.
But I never anticipated the big, steaming pile of bullshit they'd heap upon me. Now, almost three weeks in, I've even been called at home, during my day off, so one of my co-workers could bitch and moan about her workschedule. I've recieved a letter full of complaints from another co-worker. There are only two of them left who haven't said anything!
What the hell is wrong with them?? I don't understand! Before even hanging up the first schedule, I told them that this is my first experience with this, that it's bound not to be perfect and then I asked them politely to be patient with me. Then, during our teammeeting, I told them that it's hard to please everyone and I begged them again: "Please understand!"
But they obviously don't care....All they care about is their own hours and their own satisfaction. They don't even see that I give myself the leftovers.
I'm done with it. I will not let myself be treated like shit. Those days are over. I will press the issue one more time, and then the next person who complains will get the schedule-folder thrown in their face with the aggressive message to FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT BETTER!!
tl;dr
Unolai is displeased with the amounts of whining complaints she gets over the workschedules. Her co-workers don't give a crap to the fact that she hasn't even been schooled and just keep bitching at her.
- Mood:
bitchy
"What am I compared to the sea?" She whispered to herself; "Compaired to the sea, I am nothing. It's like I don't even exist."
Touched by the shame the raindrop felt, an oyster absorbed her into his heart and destiny decided, that the raindrop would become the famous royal pearl. She would be worshipped, because she was humble.
She knocked on the door of destruction and came to life.
- Saadi
- Mood: contemplative
The Bad:
- Losing both my grandparents.
- Losing Dorus.
- Being diagnosed with epilepsy.
- Getting hurt in all kinds of crashes.
- The horrible way I was treated during my internships.
The Good:
- The birth of my nephews.
- Finishing my education with honor and my head held high, dispite the horrible treatment.
- Meeting all you wonderful people online, who have put up with and stuck with me through the years. <3
- Finding my passion in writing and caring for others.
- Discovering that I'm not such a bad person after all.
What was I nagging about? It wasn't bad karma that happened to me, it was life. Besides, if you ask me, I'd say that the good outweighs the bad any day of the week! My nephews, my passions, my friends; What more could I ask for?
If I'm ever going to re-capture my positive spirit, I have to think positive thoughts. :)
- Location:At home
- Mood:
optimistic - Music:Marion Raven - We Are
Me: "Yes, sweety?"
Sven: "Grandpa is dead now, isn't he?"
Me: "Yes, he is."
Sven: *smiles brightly* "He's a star in Heaven now!"
Me: "..."
So simple. Why didn't I think of it? He's not even three years old yet, but he's so smart sometimes. It makes me miss the days when life was easy and when my biggest worry was who to play with tomorrow.
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:Paramore - Crushcrushcrush
He was so cute, so sweet with the clients, his ass so tight and damn it, he kept leaning so freaking close to me!! xD
Surprisingly, I didn't put up a front for him. It usually happens, when I meet a cute guy, that I'm on my best behaviour. I didn't tense up and put on a show. I was myself tonight, around a very attractive guy. Personal victory yay!
In totally unrelated news, I'm trying to convince mum to open a webstore. You see, she decorates the house in that vintage look that's hip right now, for practically no money at all. I told her that she could open a website (which also costs practically nothing) and sell some of her stuff for awesome profit!
I'd do the pictures and description, bro would manage the website and mum would buy stuff. It's perfect! It'd be so much fun!
- Location:Heaven
- Mood:
mellow - Music:Beyoncé - Single Ladies
But that's only part of the truth.
I wear it out of guilt. As much as I loved them, visiting was always a burden. So we hardly ever went. And when we did go, when did I ever express love and interest in them? Why did I learn more about my own grandparents when they were being cremated, than I ever knew while they were alive? It makes me feel bad. It makes me miss them.
Why couldn't I have held them as close as I hold their pictures now?
- Mood:
gloomy - Music:Winx Club - Unica
Hello, my name is Fabulous. ;)
But then, always in the fourth week, the shine goes away. It's like my blood starts to itch. The high is gone, my bounce has vanished and my chin is not as level as it used to be. I need a new fix! I can barely keep myself from running back to the dealer, begging for more, because I know that that would cross a delicate line. A line that seperates me from simple recreational use to junky.
Just two more weeks, two more weeks, two more weeks....Just hang in there!
It's all my mother's fault. She's the one who introduced me to this! Why didn't anyone warn me? Why didn't anyone say that you could get addicted to getting your hair done??
I sit here, 129 euro's poorer and one fantastic Rock & Roll inspired hairdo richer, and just absorb the absurdity of my actions. After a moment of careful consideration, I admit it to myself: I'm a junky. And I have no intention of ever stopping.
Be honest: How many of you thought I was talking about drugs?? =P
- Location:Here?
- Mood:
amused - Music:Stone Temple Pilots - Sex Type Thing
What's the point of living if you're not going to give it your best?
I don't understand how people can not want to see the world. Like my parents, who just don't give a damn. I don't understand. This is 2009, people! You can go wherever you like! From top to bottom, all the way around and inside out! And I intend to eplore the world from top to bottom and all the way around.
I just hope I end up actually doing it. That it doesn't just remain a dream. The problem is that I don't want to travel alone. I'm affraid to and I know I'll be lonely....
So, off to find a travelbuddy.
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:The Beatles - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
List of things I love the most:
- JC.
- Diana.
- Sven and Bjarne.
- Cucumber.
- Hot chocolate milk, in front of the fireplace, in mid-winter.
- Making people smile.
- Running in circles.
- Pizza.
- Finding that perfect item of clothing.
- Hugging.
- Vietnamese eggrolls.
- Spinning around in circles until I fall over.
- Sex & The City.
- Snowmen.
- Childish cartoons.
- Pepernoten.
- Sliding.
- Feeding the ducks.
- Pretty flowers.
- Getting my hair re-dyed.
- Jumping up and down.
- High heels.
- Bizarre dancing.
- The inability to stop laughing.
- Sleeping late.
- A big bag of potatoe chips.
- Taking pictures.
- Hearing my favourite song on the radio.
- Movies.
- Sleding.
- The sky.
- Rain and thunderstorms.
- Riding my bike.
- Rollercoasters.
- Lying on my back in the grass during summer time.
- A new bottle of perfume.
- The beach.
- Going swimming.
- The woods.
- My bed.
- Balloons.
- Popcorn.
- Music.
- A warm shower.
- Ben & Jerry's.
- Icecream in general: anytime, any kind, anywhere!
I feel happy now. I can totally recommend making a list like this! =D
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:Kelly Clarkson - I Do Not Hook Up
- Mood:
sick
Tears ran down my cheeks when I re-read the list. I felt sorry for myself! I actually took pity on myself!! Me, the one who hates it when people do nothing else but whine and complain, goes Dramatic!Emo over her own pathetic little life. When did this happen? When did my positive attitude turn to shit? I want me back! The me who was happy and cheerful and lived to make others smile. Where did that me go?
So yeah, I might have been hurt. I might have lost the most important person in my life. So yeah, maybe I'm devastated, but this happens to millions of people on a daily basis! What gives me the right to act like such a whiney retard??
To everyone who had to listen to my nagging, I sincerely apologise. Feel free to slap me next time.
- Mood:
uncomfortable - Music:Jet - Rip It Up
It was more curiousity than despair.
That being said...
ALL OF MY COMPUTER FILES ARE GOOOOOOOOONE!! All my pictures, all my poems and writings: GONE
I'll be over here in this corner, twitching and hyperventilating.
- Mood:
apathetic
As I drifted in the waves of the sea, I wondered what would happen if I were to drown now. Would I be happy? Would I be missed? Would I join grandpa and grandma up in Heaven and look back down with a smile? Would all my pain just disappear? Would I go without a fight?
It would be so easy. Just to stop swimming. Just to stop living.
I need to be saved.
- Mood:
crushed
His only one died tonight.
He, alone, remained behind.
He, so alone, to face the world.
He bent over her coffin,
shoulders shaking with grief.
One last kiss for his loved one.
Before dying himself.
Old man broken.
Old man sick.
Old man fragile.
Old man dead.
I don't want to hear how sorry you are. I know you are, and I know you think you'll make me feel better by saying you are, but you don't. Your words will only make me hurt.
And any bullshit stories about Heaven or "going to a better place" and I will NEVER talk to you again.
- Mood:
angry
And I'm alone.
- Mood: crushed
I'm not ready to deal with death again. If anyone needs me, I'll be over here, sticking my head into the sand....
- Mood:
scared
And I do.
My fear was that I'd run face-first into a wall, screaming in frustration that people can actually stomach that crap, and even love it. I'm currently biting the inside of my cheek in order not to ramble on in an Unholy Five Page Long Bitch Rant and soil too many words to this shameless publication of a fanfiction by a horrible, toe-curling Suethor.
So, as I hop onto the "I fucking hate Twilight"-bandwagon, I will say only this:
Oh, Anne Rice! The good old days when VAMPIRES DID NOT SPARKLE!!
Thank you and goodnight. *bows*
- Location:The "I fucking hate Twilight"-bandwagon
- Mood: angry
- Music:The Fame Themesong.
Only to stain it 2 seconds later.
Why am I such a spazz?
- Location:Huh?
- Mood:
confused - Music:Katy Perry - One Of The Boys
